just a song? March 27, 2008

If I could say what I want to say
I’d say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, Im wishing my life away
With these things Ill never say
- Things I’ll Never Say: Avril Lavigne

Who will see the beauty in your life
And who will be there to hear you when you call
Who will see the madness in your life.
And who will be there to catch you if you fall.
- Beauty and Madness

Cuz I’ve never felt like this before
I’m naked around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can’t hide
I’m naked around you
And it feels so right
- Naked: Avril Lavigne

I’m gonna live my life
Like every day’s the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you’ve gone
I can’t cry hard enough
No, I can’t cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
- Can’t Cry Hard Enough : Bellefire

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
- At the beginning: Donna Lewis

Well if you wanted honesty, that’s all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it’s better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I’m not okay
- Im Not Okay: My Chemical Romance

I’m falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I’ve held onto
I’m standing here until you make me move
I’m hanging by a moment here with you
I’m living for the only thing I know
I’m running and not quite sure where to go
And I don’t know what I’m diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
- Hanging By A Moment: Lifehouse

if you’re lost you can look–and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you–I’ll be waiting
time after time
- Time After Time: Matchbox 20

before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide ’cause it’s worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don’t you see I’m breaking down
- Halflife: Dunkan Shiek

Youve already won me over in spite of me
Dont be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Dont be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldnt help it
Its all your fault
-HEAD OVER FEET: Alanis Morissette

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
- You Learn: Alanis Morissette

I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreamin you’ll be with me
and you’d never go
Start breathing if
I don’t see you anymore
-FAR AWAY: NICKELBACK

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can’t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
-I MISS YOU: INCUBUS

That you and I were anything, everything to me
I just want you to know
That I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
-Just want you to know:BSB

this tree March 26, 2008

I was browsing my drive and saw these pics. I like this so much so Ive decided to share it with you. I took the first one, I really dont know the exact name of this tree. I was just amazed how it looks for me this tree is so different compare the trees we have in the city. By the way I took it last year at Visca Baybay, Leyte.

Couldnt think of a nice caption, so you could give one for me… *wink*

truth hurts… March 26, 2008

Why does it hurt? Why does loving the wrong person hurt more than loving the right one?

one question March 26, 2008

Its actually arousing with no interest or maybe you find this so tedious, but somehow this one simple question could cudgel one’s brains, mull your skull, and even hit you deep down to your soul and will be stun to seek for an anwswer.

“I did”.

SO THIS WAS HIS POST…

So to settle this issue once and for all, I ask to everybody in the world, or just the people online, this question. It is really a simple question. (unconsciously I turned to the internet because I think most people on the net who actually write their own thoughts and reflections are intelligent life forms, I think most of you would agree on this, and I’m fed up of real people I meet everyday, I look at them, hurried, tired, going their own way, can’t even stop to talk because they are busy, won’t even smile, won’t even say hi, won’t even try). So, going back to the question. Unless people actually answer this question, and prove to me that we are beings made by God, capable of thought, of reason, capable of loving, of emotions other than hate and jealousy, I’m not going to post anything anymore.

The question:
What is the meaning of your life?

—————————–

SO THIS WAS MY ANSWER:

I guess the time when Im lying on my own glamorous cabin, with millions of people standing right beside me, my family, long-line of relatives, friends, enemies, comrades, seatmates, batchmates, classmates, peers, co workers, acquinted friends, strangers, crushes, ex lovers, my one and only, my child, my soul… hawling, moorning, grieving, smiling, wishing, thanking, praying for me… maybe i guess that time Ive alreadly knew the meaning of my life…

and know what? you really makes me so think of your simpliest excogitative reflective one line question…

-jc

—————————–

crazy right? maybe that time I couldnt spit an honest answer or I simply dont know the right and meaning answer to give ;well I guess for now not just yet.

so the question:
What is the meaning of your life?

Think it over!

today; i fear March 24, 2008

There is an element of danger in boating that cannot be eradicated. Consequently, there is always something for boaters to fear— which happens to be a good thing. If you spend sufficient time afloat, sooner or later you will experience fear; but, if you understand that fact and accept it before you set out, you will deal with the fear-provoking situation more easily when it arises. Fear is often greater when you’re alone and forced to fall back on your own resources. It seems to be a perfectly natural part of single-handed sailing, no matter how macho you might feel before or afterward.

- Today; I fear

holy week’s get away March 24, 2008

In observance of holy week, me and family went to Badian (as usual) though with second thoughts i was also invited by a friend to camotes island and malabuyok (you know for a change), still i was forced with my mother and as an obedient daughter how can I refused??? *roll yes*

The place is boring, simple, uncivilized, plain, uninterested but even though I found peace.

Wild blue sky, wind smell so sweet, I can even hear birds talking I mean chirping, waves
that washed the sandy shore, trees scraping, chickens whining… ha
Whew everything was extraordinary!

Then I decided not to think so hard, but even though how much I tried, I guess there are
things that I cant undeniably get rid in my thoughts… in my mind…
Have you ever feel that you decided not to do it but still has the urge of doing it again?
and it just happened, you realized it was a mistake, you regret, you feel sorry and in pain…
When will be the time we’ll ever learned from our mistakes and just exactly when we tell ourselves to just stop???
Do you know?

Sigh. I know I dont think I actually made much sense but nevertheless I think Im coming up with something…

Here you go…

for more click HERE

BLIND March 24, 2008

BLIND
by LIFEHOUSE

I was young but I wasn’t naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you’ll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

who cares? March 24, 2008

And the hell I dunno where to start. Never thought you have the time to glimpse and to read my blog (might as well you know that im confident of confining my thoughts bout u, kasi nga i thought you are not that reader but I guess I end up understimating you)

we meet again. and again…

still seeing you again gives me the intense feeling that choke my whole being as if youre one of those famous people that I dream of to see. yet youre not, but why feeling this way…

Yesterday was an extreme vehement of denial. We both exactly knew that were not supposed
to meet each other. Well in fact it was my will not to see you yet still I made the wrong choice.

And the feeling was so bleary, I couldn’t foretell anything when I see you either I should be happy, hate, angry, missed, desire? I guess when the time I feel these all; I chose not to feel at all, bec. it so stiffening, undeniably depressing.

Or just maybe that time I just urge to have *** with you and so do you.
It was for fun right? Everything was JUST a fantasy; our fantasy.

It was not real at all, coz I stop believing in real when comes to you.

THIS IS NOT RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY NOT RIGHT…

for reasons; how could I proudly share to my future heirs that theres a man who stole my
heart whom I gave my body and soul yet who is not even worth it,
a man whom I thought let me go but try to chase me whenever he feels sad or frustrated,
the man who has the guts to chose me to commit a sin instead of other women around,
a man who’s still comes to me for fun, for self satisfaction whenever a time he misses me,
a man knows my weaknesses and still try to use it for granted,
a man who’s selfish enough not thinking of my own happiness,
a man who wants me to follow his lifestyle,
a man who’s living his own world of practicality, praising his own views without the thinking of consideration of others… especially me,
a who man who sad to say doesn’t care enough for my being as a woman or as a gurl he pretentiously loved,
a man whom I thought stand with his principles but chose to ride on as the most typical
SINNER men around,
a man who treats me as a “fling,ff, fun” from the very start…
a man whom I thought has a good heart who loves his mother very much, who loves to travel
and to be with someone in an island, who is so sweet, so ideal and full of dreams,
a man who always texted me and call me every time he has a new sim,
a man who always told me nice words but not sincerely and genuinely doing it,
a man who’s been part of my happiest days but yet who became my worst,
a man that I could never get rid as long we are in the same place,
a man who’s undeniably loves my kisses for seconds,
a man whom I dream to be with me forever but automically leaves me behind for he chooses
HER,
a man whom I called for the sake of serious talk but always refuse me every time he doesn’t
feel
a man who used to call me “my baby and inspiration”,
a man that told me that theres something in me that makes him special,
a man who deceivingly told me life is worth living for,
a man who gave me reasons to hate myself as much as I hate him…
a man whom I could never forgive and to myself of doing the same mistake all over and over again,
a man who have changed a lot for I know and feel that he is miserably pretending to be
happy.

now I know… March 14, 2008

I was talking to a friend whom honestly missed talking with . She usually share her thoughts and moments to her bf but when last year was tremendous year for them, she started to fall back and told me that she hated him.
And now, with no words for her about her lovelife (although Ive heard that theyre still together, she told me, she was not the girl before who used to cry over her “man of her life”. And suddenly spit these words to me… “time heals”.

I was startled a bit and flash a half smile in my face, greedily agreed; yes its fucking indeed true that TIME REALLY REALLY HEALS!

Thanks for the busiest days of my life, it quite help me. And I know this time, its different, yes I dont feel empty or lonely anymore well in fact it seems that I enjoyed everything and every moments I have right now. Well at least I dont seek for more, in a rush time… unlike before that Im so eagerly want to make things happen so so early.

It feels good, I feel good!

I remembered before how stressed I am for indulging myself for a new job, (one of my ways to get rid of my boredom) and thanks to people whom I asked for advice on what should I do. It was such a relief!
Now although I dont know if I did the right thing to remain here but I think its ok, I’ll just wait for the right time to make me firmly decide without hesitations and doubts of turning back. It will just come, I know.

And my heart now?, beating at the right track. She even told me not to worry much, not to feel so much, so emotional and sensitive.

Yes, so Im proud to say that Im really really ok now.

Last night I almost died… March 7, 2008

and I wish it will never happened again. Ever!

Thank God I was able to move myself one steP backward bec. if not, if I wasnt??? Im sure everyone will be staring at me lying full of bloodshed, cutthroat, pieces of my body disperse everywhere and probably I’ll be in the headlines today. haha

I was mentally shock then. I could hear the beat of my heart so fast. It was a heavy blow, impact , an outrage.
For the first time I feel I was very much horrified.

I told my parents what happened, though with the harsh words of my mother and worried face of my father, enough to feel that they care for me a lot.
That night, I realized I still wanted to have a life. Bec. I know that I havent do anything to make my life even worth it, not just yet. I still want to pursue my dreams, to reach it not only for myself but for the people who gave me reasons to believe, who gave me reasons to live.
I still want a second chance to change the better me.

Even more just a simple things, yes I still want to breathe,
to laugh…
to cry…
to smile…
to hear…
to see people, to see my family, friends, enemies, strangers, to meet them.
to work..
to travel…
to go to my fav places…
to watch tv’s, movies…
to get hurt,
to experience…
to learn new things…
to try, trying…
to feel…
to fight…
to hope…
to love and be loved…
to be HAPPY…

yes I still want this life, my life… I still want to LIVE!