I have this wondering feeling that I thought it could lead me to a better life that I ever ever dream.
I did everything I could; I sacrificed, I gambled, I prayed and I worked it so hard but still
.
.
I failed.
Because of the recent turn of events (unexpected and shocked), I’ve suddenly been filled with a wide state of mental disturbance; sorrow, hate, frustration, grief and misfortune.
I’ve spent the whole time sobbing way back home on how my life got so messed up. Just when I’m trying to prove myself and show that I could totally move on and very hopeful to start a new life away to those people I was so dependable of. And I never felt alone.
It was during those hard times of desperate attempts at damage control when I realized that there are at a times when you can’t rely on anybody else but yourself. And it’s not because nobody is willing to help but because sometimes it is physically impossible for them to.
Last 2 months I was inlove to a place whom i feel the freedom that Im longing for and most of all, Ive learned to value myself more than ever.
When I received the news that I got approved of my work permit, there, I told myself that I am lucky enough; and who wouldnt think in just one day, that following day, a certain event that could be the reason to change your plan at all. I dont know what to think when the news strike me that I have to go back home, it was unacceptable, unfair and unjust.
Why? am I not deserving? why I cant have the chance to stay there? Am i not lucky? Does all those effort are not enough? or maybe Im not enough then why me?
These are the questions I addressed to HIM that time, forgive me but all I knew is that I was hurt so much.
But I guess things happened bec. they need to happen, Im sure enough it has reasons and I know answers will just come… in time.
or maybe the “The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations” Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
2 months later… well maybe just maybe
.
.
Ive learned! 
