I have this wondering feeling that I thought it could lead me to a better life that I ever ever dream.
I did everything I could; I sacrificed, I gambled, I prayed and I worked it so hard but still
.
.
I failed.
Because of the recent turn of events (unexpected and shocked), I’ve suddenly been filled with a wide state of mental disturbance; sorrow, hate, frustration, grief and misfortune.
I’ve spent the whole time sobbing way back home on how my life got so messed up. Just when I’m trying to prove myself and show that I could totally move on and very hopeful to start a new life away to those people I was so dependable of. And I never felt alone.
It was during those hard times of desperate attempts at damage control when I realized that there are at a times when you can’t rely on anybody else but yourself. And it’s not because nobody is willing to help but because sometimes it is physically impossible for them to.
Last 2 months I was inlove to a place whom i feel the freedom that Im longing for and most of all, Ive learned to value myself more than ever.
When I received the news that I got approved of my work permit, there, I told myself that I am lucky enough; and who wouldnt think in just one day, that following day, a certain event that could be the reason to change your plan at all. I dont know what to think when the news strike me that I have to go back home, it was unacceptable, unfair and unjust.
Why? am I not deserving? why I cant have the chance to stay there? Am i not lucky? Does all those effort are not enough? or maybe Im not enough then why me?
These are the questions I addressed to HIM that time, forgive me but all I knew is that I was hurt so much.
But I guess things happened bec. they need to happen, Im sure enough it has reasons and I know answers will just come… in time.
or maybe the “The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations” Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
2 months later… well maybe just maybe
.
.
Ive learned! 
Life is indeed very tough, unfair, unjust, and everything. Sometimes, we see people who seem to get what they want in just a blink of an eye, with no efforts at all. And this leads us to question why the world is such an unfair place to live. But, instead of thinking negative thoughts, we should instead focus on the brighter side of life.
One thing I learned in life is:
When we see people who seem very lucky and happy, and seem to live a perfect life, then we should take a second look. It’s because that’s not what it seemed to be. Each of us has our own dilemmas, problems, and troubles in life. Some people are just really good at hiding it, others know how to handle it, some knows how to solve it, and unfortunately, a few don’t take any initiatives to get through with it. That’s why they are stuck up, and can’t move on with life.
I know it’s really, really hard jol. Mao ato na itagay karon sat…akoy bahala sa inum…hehehehe